Love in the time of scrum
By Christi Gadd, Marteleze van Graan & James Brown
A significant threat is looming over intimate relationships in South Africa: the 2023 Rugby World Cup kicks off on September 8, with the All Blacks playing the hosts, France, in what promises to be an absolute edge-on-the-seat clash of the titans!
Arguments over TV schedules, frustration when your partner asks a beginner question at a crucial moment that requires all your focus, the shock of unexpected guests your partner invited without telling you, the embarrassment of your partner not knowing when to don their Springbok jersey, and feeling unheard because rugby dominates the conversation - a global crisis is looming!
The thing about rugby, more specifically Springbok rugby, is that unlike most other South African team sports, we excel at it. In fact, we're three-time world champions. We've played in one fewer World Cup than the All Blacks and have won the same number. Thus, we have a better World Cup record than the mighty All Blacks. But enough of that for now…
The dilemma creating the most tension in relationships is the discrepancy between partners' levels of passion and interest in rugby. If you're a fanatic, you'll want to watch every match, but your less enthusiastic partner might consider this overkill.
It's common for couples to have varying levels of interest in hobbies or activities. Different interests don't necessarily indicate a lack of care for each other. Communication is crucial; articulate your needs and listen to your partner's so you can problem-solve together.
Tips to Navigate World Cup Fever:
Plan Ahead: The Rugby World Cup runs from 8 September to 28 October, with the Boks' first game on 10 September. Save important matches in your family calendar. We've sourced all the key games for a Springbok household from the Supersport website: Supersport Fixtures
Stock Up: Keep extra supplies like steak, chips, dip, and biltong for unexpected guests. Most South African grocery stores now offer speedy delivery via apps.
Communicate and Compromise: Discuss important matches and what you both need during this period.
Balance Give and Take: If your partner sets time aside for matches, check in on what would be a treat for them too.
For the Fanatic Partner:
Communication is Key: Discuss where and with whom you'd like to watch the matches. If hosting friends, inform your partner in advance for better planning and catering.
Interactive Fun: Create a flow chart of the tournament and encourage your partner to predict scores. The closest guess gets to choose weekend plans or who does the dishes.
Broaden the Conversation: Set aside time to discuss topics important to your partner, not just the World Cup.
Date Nights: Plan dates that focus on your partner's interests.
TV Time: Negotiate TV schedules so everyone gets a chance to watch their preferred programmes.
For the … er … Less Excited Partner:
It's Temporary: Remember, this event occurs only every four years. Relationships face challenges; this is just another one.
National Pride: The World Cup impacts not just your relationship but also your social circles. South Africa takes great pride in rugby, and the team's performance may affect relationship satisfaction.
Show Interest: Replace "How was your day?" with questions about the day's matches or teams. Knowing the Boks' schedule and key players shows you care.
Emotional Support: Your rugby-loving partner may experience a rollercoaster of emotions. Use this as an opportunity to improve communication skills.
Date Night Boundaries: Establish a rugby-free zone during date nights. Avoid scheduling dates during matches to prevent arguments.
Spice It Up: Introduce World Cup-themed role play in intimate moments. All you need is a rugby jersey and ball, and a few rugby terms like "scrum," "ruck," and "maul."
Blend Interests: Incorporate your hobbies into the World Cup experience. If you enjoy cooking, try dishes from countries the Boks are playing against. Discuss this with your partner so they can appreciate your efforts.
Set Boundaries: If your partner plans to watch games outside the home, discuss your needs and boundaries, especially if you have children.
Seek Support: Schedule time with your support network for venting and problem-solving.
And just before the whistle blows …
Rugby may be a cliché unifier in a country riddled with crime, poverty, and corruption, but it is an undeniable truth. We are families, communities, and people filled with sunshine, ubuntu, pap & vleis, and brandy and coke. And just as the Boks need teamwork to lift the trophy on October 28, so do you and your partner, if you’re going to be celebrating together.
In the words of Nelson Mandela:
Sport has the power to change the world... It is more powerful than governments in breaking down racial barriers.
And yes, we are so proud to be a global practice, but once in four years we allow ourselves to unashamedly let our South African roots show:
